What a Difference a Day Makes

Does anyone know what it feels like to totally have the rug pulled out? I’m not talking a little trip, but a full-blown crash to the ground, flat on your pretty face. 

You would think that after spending years with clients who tell me they’re married to bitches, bastards, liars and cheaters, I’d know how to spot one. Yeah, you’d think. But last night the phone rang and a stranger with a mind toward blackmail pushed my husband into admitting the truth.

“Tell her yourself,” he said and handed me the phone. After hearing the words “ongoing affair” I hung up. Marc looked at me sheepishly and told me the voice belonged to some guy who saw him kissing someone who wasn’t me. And now, they wanted $1,000 to keep quiet. Turns out Marc is a cheater and a cheapskate. Or maybe he just wanted out.

Everyone thought I was crazy when I told them we were getting married...after only six  months. Yes, I know I’m supposed to know better.  But he was cute with a James Bond accent and I wanted him to stay in this country. This is what I get for wanting an adventure.

So what now? 

1. Revenge: I could ask my gorgeous Tuesday at 5 p.m. if I could lie down on the couch next to him and then fuck his brains out. Unprofessional and grounds for losing my license, but I’m not exactly feeling totally rational.
2. Pity: I could call a girlfriend and the pizza delivery guy (for large amounts of carbs, not a threesome).
3. Survival: Fortunately, my first instinct after spending most of the night crying is to write. Pour it all out and ask others for advice. 

So give it to me straight. This is the perfect place to hear your advice, whatever it may be, since there’s total anonymity. I know that there must be plenty of people who can relate. So tell me your sure fire ways to get over a man.